I have to say that I am in agreement with your DH. DS & DD both figured out pretty early on (end of K to 1st) that it makes more sense for them to volunteer when they have something potentially unique to say or if other kids are stuck rather than constantly keep their hands in the air. The exception is when it is a contest situation and/or prizes are being offered. I was somewhat surprised when DS volunteered in K that nobody likes a smarty pants and it isn't necessary to try to hog all the questions. I kind of didn't expect them to figure it out until 2nd. Actually, if they hadn't figure this out by 4th grade, I probably would have had a talk with them because that appears to be the grade when kids tend to ostracize certain kids.
However, this doesn't mean that they do not speak up or that all the other kids and teachers can't tell that they are knowledgeable. DS actually talks a lot but he leaves all the easy questions for the other kids. DD waits until the wrong/incomplete answers annoy her and she wants to move the class along. It's a question of picking the best moments and giving other kids a chance to shine.
