Careena, it sounds like you have done wonders to get this far, and have already accomplished much. As CCN reminds us, every kid is different, and you know yours best, so there's no right answer to your question. That said, what I love about this forum is the way people get me seeing things from so many different perspectives; it really helps me see where different pieces may fit with my own children.
With your son already dealing with anxiety and depression, one lens for you to consider your question might be: "What information may help him better understand his challenges, and reduce the anxiety and misery of being different, or of certain things being hard for him?" Sue - who has shared much hard-earned 2E wisdom on this forum - so perfectly describes how important it is to help him see the *strengths* that come from his differences, and not only the challenges.
Both my kids have hit very high anxiety levels in the classroom when their 2E needs were getting seriously in the way of their ability to function in class. My recently-diagnosed ADHD/ dyslexic daughter (8) is now instead rather smug about her demi-god status (thank you, thank you Percy Jackson!!). Her challenges are "mainstreamed", and she has even discussed her reading issues with friends. Openness is making it easier for her teachers to help her, and for her to accept differentiated approaches without feeling incompetent. Being able to talk about the ways her brain works differently has also been invaluable in engaging her in the things we need to do to help her. For example, our reading remediation program is long, tedious and painful (but wow does it work), but we talk about how we need re-learn how to read using a different method that accesses the needed part of her brain - and she gets that. And she can see her reading skills changing, so she sees that doing things differently is important and it works.
My kids gifts are part of their difference, as are their sensitivities, intensities, anxiety, and atypical ways of learning. Not better, not worse, just requiring different ways of teaching and learning, because they experience the world in different ways than most people. For them, the more they understand their differences, the less they are likely to see themselves as stupid, bad, or just wrong to not be like everyone else. So I understand the fear of labels being limiting - in the wrong hands, they undoubtedly can be - but they can also be remarkably freeing. It's not "I'm x, so I can't do this." It's "I'm x, so I will take a different pathway to get there. And my "there" may well end up being a unique and extraordinary place, as will the places I visit on my way".
I hope you keep talking to the forum, and this group can help both you and your son feel less lost, and more able to find the right ways forward for both of you.
