Questions202, I think that "trying" means subtly different things to different people, and fwiw, with my kids, I saw them gradually morph into the academic personalities they were semi-destined to become as they gradually went through elementary school, but not when they were your dd's age. My oldest dd, for instance, is a kid who, in middle school cares tremendously about the quality of her work (to the point of over-perfectionism at times), and she will not stop working on her work until she's happy with it. She also gives 290% (literally) when she participates in sports. I couldn't have predicted *any* of this when she was 7, and I also can't honestly attribute any of her motivation or wanting to try her best to anything I've done as a parent, it's just a piece of who she is internally.
Re your dd, are you sure she *isn't* trying? It sounds like writing and drawing are extremely difficult for her, and I'm guessing they are most likely tiring as well as possibly frustrating. I took a peak back at your previous posts to try to remember what you've said about her before and one line really *really* stuck out to me - you mentioned that her father is dysgraphic. Have you had your dd go through a full eval yet to determine if she's dysgraphic or dyspraxic? I suspect that she is based on what you've written about her writing and drawing struggles. Having that piece of knowledge may help you sharpen your focus as a parent re what achievement "looks like".
She's a big people pleaser, gets embarrassed easily, has perfectionist tendencies, and has had really bad experiences in school because she is seen as poorly behaved in these areas where she struggles (too slow=not following directions, drawing avoidance=not following rules, etc.)
Does she have a 504 plan or an IEP? Most students with dysgraphia need at least accommodations so that they are understood at school and so that they can show their full knowledge.
So how do you define "trying hard" to a seven year old who doesn't seem to know what it means while making her feel positive about herself and while not demanding perfection?
You've said she "seems to know what it means" - so maybe you don't need to define it. Think about how difficult it may be to have to work extra hard and put in extra time (with OT etc) to do simple things that most other students do easily. I'm guessing she's already trying really *really* hard.
Is there a way to show her what "achievement" looks like while keeping my hands off her work and letting her be her own person?
What type of achievement are you looking for? Neat drawings and handwriting? A lot of words output when she's writing? Something else? It's really important to understand the parameters she's working with in context so that a) you aren't judging her ability to achieve something that's beyond her reach and b) so that she's able to *show* you what she really is achieving. For instance, if handwriting is a struggle and you're concerned the stories she writes are not long enough, detailed enough, she's stopping short of what she might tell you verbally - give her an accommodation (scribe, keyboarding, whatever) that bypasses handwriting so she can show you her full knowledge. From another perspective, look at what she is *already* achieving and let her see what she's done in the light of achievement vs not enough - I'm thinking specifically of her handwriting and drawing here. Not every child is going to be a Picasso. If I know my child is putting in their best effort, I see that as an achievement in and of itself, rather than worrying about how good the final product looks.
It's tricky with young children who have potential LDs… they often look like they are not trying when really they *can't*, plus they will sometimes shut down and stop trying because they've continually gotten the message internally that they can't.
Hang in there!
polarbear
