HK made the comment in another thread that no solution worked longer than about 18 months. That's been similar to our experience as well.
While I agree with this statement, it has been our experience as well. What I dislike about this statement is that I feel like when I try and switch things up, my child loses some "stability" in life. Meaning, friendships fall off or adult teachers/role models are lost in the process. Whereas, most kids get more stability. How do you figure it all out with a kid who academically needs change and challenge about every 6 -9 months, but craves stability and no change in terms of people. I always feel like I'm sacrificing something.
This is one of the biggest challenges that results in some kids refusing acceleration, some staff believing that acceleration is damaging, and parents untold angst. Kids who are especially good at forming strong social bonds with friends can struggle mightily with this conflict. Our DYS consultant said "if you make friends easily in one grade, you will make friends easily in the next grade". Well, that's true BUT these are not just interchangeable friends. These are PEOPLE in a RELATIONSHIP.
Some positives of changing things up though:
1. You can work it to avoid a "poor fit" of a teacher.
2. Your child meets a lot of new friends so when acceleration/deceleration talk happens in middle and high school, your child already knows some kids when they move.
3. Your child gets more appropriate work and even if it's not at the right level,there is at least SOME challenge in adjusting to new social challenges.
4. You become a subject of gossip, providing something for bored neighbors, teachers, and school parents to judge, spicing up their lives. (maybe not positive for you, but it does build that inner strength and conviction!)
Really, this very issue and compromise is a significant sacrifice for our kids. Acceleration done early helps with this-- get the instability out of the way early, but it doesn't make it OK that our kids can't get the academics they need in a stable and supportive environment. Some kids get to go to schools for HG but this often means leaving the neighbor kids. Some kids stay in their grades and have different work if they have a willing teacher---but what of next year?
It's one of those situations where you say "it is what it is" and you just do the best you can. Remembering that kids are resilient and this stuff is just part of what shapes their lives. Kids deal with divorce, moving, redistricting, friend's moving, death of loved ones, etc. all potentially destabilizing. Having the right support helps kids build the inner strength to deal with what comes their way.
It is a benefit to your child that you recognize that this sacrifice is real. And it does get better for you as your child grows and begins to recognize his/her own needs and priorities. But, it doesn't help that nothing is designed for our kids. Everywhere you turn in school, there are these hard ceilings and your child must wait until they are no longer ready to get to the academics they crave. Right now, we are once again, holding back to keep a good compromise between social, academics, AND ridiculous rules that restrict high school classes to specific grade levels. A reason in the pro column for skipping early and often that we hadn't thought of when we undid our second skip for the social component.
I dream that at some point, the tide will turn. I can just hear the way it will be sold-- There will be stories of tragedy from holding kids back, stripping even the most eager and motivated kids of their desire to learn and go to school. These kids are the "lost" kids and here's the rescue mission. Rather than grade levels where kids must conform, now we'll have child levels. Everyone is tested every year, not to see if the school or teacher are failing, but to see what the child is ready to learn. And kids that learn over the summer are rewarded, parents that enrich their kids lives are no longer considered system disruptors, but instead are patriotic citizens. Maybe not in my lifetime, but how can I go on advocating unless I believe in the mission?
