Someone asked if she took a musical instrument as that might help with the perfectionism. ACK.....this has been such a struggle for us, she loves music but has such a hard time when faced with anything she can not be "perfect" with. She took piano for a year, but I let her give it up for guitar. She is now at the point where the guitar is getting harder and she wants to give up. How do I help her through this? She is SO stubborn! I am a professional musician and I can't say I loved the art of practice, I love performing more, but knew I had to practice a lot if I wanted to perform, so I just did it. I think she has a real creative streak in her, but the mechanics are a trial for her. I don't want to push too hard right now with everything else that is going on, but I don't want her to quit either. Any ideas?
I'm not a professional musician, but I was very serious about music in high school and came *very* close to purusing it as a career. Music remains a passion in my life
So when I had children, music lessons were important to me, and we started our gang out on piano first. I just mention that so you'll have an idea where I'm coming from
The thing I'd suggest looking into - try switching out teachers or methods of instruction - ie, finding a different type of music to learn. We kept our kids with the same piano teacher a long time - she was just right when they were young and a good fit for our family at the time. We had to switch teachers this year due to our previous teacher's schedule, and it was *the best thing* ever for my ds. He played well and he wanted to play, but his heart hadn't been into practicing - he would rather compose his own music or sit and experiment or avoid the piano altogether - anything rather than practicing his assigned work. When he did practice he liked to debate over and over what was the point to playing each song more than once per practice. And he had a bit of a point - he was being assigned easy songs (since he wasn't wanting to work at them) hence he didn't need to practice repeatedly. Vicious cycle that was suiting his own personal interests lol! His new teacher has a completely different teaching style and a completely different direction of instruction - she composes her own music, is more into new wave etc yet also places a lot of emphasis on scales/technique etc, she's giving him specific assignments on improvising, she's got her keyboard hooked up to the computer and uses it during their lessons - just very different than the previous teacher in approach - and she and my ds hit it off re personality match. The difference has been huge - he practices daily with enthusiasm now, and in return I'm happy to let him spend half his practice time (or extended practice time) on his own compositions.
For my dd's, one of my dd's just has a hard time sitting down and focusing for repeated practice (she has a bit of an issue with that on other things too - it's not just musical instruments). For her, I let her practice less time than the teacher asks for. I want her to keep taking lessons and learning, but I also don't want to burn her out. She is my child who, when she just plays and is relaxed about it, plays with the most feeling and seems to be a natural musician. She's not going to get into Julliard at her rate of practice and motivation, but if I stay mellow about it and just let her practice minimally as long as she's learning I am ok with her taking lessons - I see it a bit like I see signing a child up for a rec league in sports, things like that - if she was preparing to major in this or get a scholarship in it, she should practice - but if it's something that's simply fun and she enjoys, it's ok to be relaxed about the approach, take the classes but don't stress over practicing at home. The key is to look at it as giving her a hobby that she will be able to enjoy for her adult life. Does that make sense? I'll add a caveat - if I felt like she wasn't learning anything, I wouldn't keep sending her to lessons, and if she was matched with a teacher who was annoyed at her not-so-fast rate of progress, I'd find a different teacher.
My youngest dd is really into sports. She started piano when she was only 3 just because she wanted to do anything and everything that her older sibs did, but by the time she was in 2nd grade she was starting to feel like she was weighted down with too many activities in her schedule (note: *all* of her activities outside of piano were sports and were her choice and she didn't want to give any of the sports up!). I ultimately decided to let her drop piano lessons. I doubt she'll ever pick them back up, but it's been fun instead to see what she's done with her sports, and how they motivate her and excite her.
polarbear
