Hi Labmom! Welcome. The good news is that your DD is 10 -- that is young! Try not to beat yourself up about this. Most of us start out expecting that the schools should know what to do with our kids. The good is that you now know your kiddo has special educational needs.
I am so happy that you have found a better fit school and that your DD is happier. That is really great for now.
Try not to panic, too. I remember when we found out our DS was PG. We cried. We had heard stories about how difficult it would be to have a really out-there kid. But over time, we have found that it's really still just our same kid.
I think the best advice we got from the psychologist who tested our DS was that you need to be flexible in schooling, as you might find that a school situation that worked one year does not work the next. Also, if you possibly can consider it, homeschooling is a really great option, even if it's a backup option. We felt a whole lot better when we were looking at schools, and a lot less freaked out in meetings, when we knew that if the school didn't work out, it wasn't the last option -- we could homeschool and it would be fine. We never did homeschool, but having it as a possible option saved a lot of stress.
Re: perfectionism. Does your DD play an instrument or a sport or anything that requires practice to get better at? Piano and fencing were great for showing our DS that he really did need to practice to get better. Lots of perfectionists think that if they can't do something perfectly right away, which they are used to doing if they haven't been challenged, then they must not be very smart. Another related topic is to discuss Mindset a bit with your kiddo. I recommend reading Mindset by Carol Dweck - her research showed that if people have a closed mindset, they believe they can only learn so much and no more. If they have an open mindset, they believe that they can learn more and improve with effort.
I agree with Kcab on the activities, and second Destination Imagination and Lego League. Hopefully the school participates in those or similar. MY DS has done both for a few years and really enjoys them. He also enjoys the school's chess league.
Sorry for the complete randomness of my thoughts!
