Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion The "Guys" Don't Want to Play with Me

Sorry this is happening to your DS. It's hard.

Are all of the boys equally excluding your DS or are there one or two "leaders" who are spearheading the ostracizing?

We had an incident earlier in the year where a girl in DD4's class, who is the self designated "leader", made up a game. One of the rules was that DD wasn't allowed to play. When DD told me about this "rule" we went over how she responded - she went and played with someone else. We have since role played and discussed what to do when someone excludes you or mistreats you. She knows that she doesn't have to follow unfair rules made up by other kids. She also knows that she needs to tell the teacher when she is being mistreated. We've even practiced specific phrases she can say if someone says something to her like, "Your hat is ugly." (We've had that happen) Perhaps you can think of some rehearsed phrases your DS can say in response to being told "You can't be in third grade math."

I encouraged DD to try and seek out the other girls when the "leader" girl was doing a different activity and build friendships with them. This has worked well for her.

I went in and spoke with her teacher the very next day to make her aware of the situation. Even though our school is extremely proactive about bullying her teacher hadn't noticed this incident and she was happy that I brought it to her attention. She has kept an eye out for it happening again and has been great at addressing these issues head on.

I think your son's teacher should be doing something to help the boys come together. Maybe give them a fun project to do together as a team. This is an opportunity for her to talk about differences and how everyone needs to be respected...she doesn't even need to single out your son to do this because everyone is different. Hopefully if you do talk to her she'll be open to helping.

Good Luck!