Hi Lovemydd, I hope we didn't make you feel bad for not saying anything at the conference -- I really can see how you would be shocked into no response. And I agree with polarbear that saying nothing can be a good thing. In fact, I have forced myself to bite my tongue and not say anything at meetings because I don't want to agree with anything that I might regret.
Your DD sounds similar to my DS9. He had perfectionist tendencies even as an infant! He wouldn't join in on any activity until he was sure he could do it, which meant a lot of watching. His preschool teacher was the complete opposite of yours, though, and she got him right away. She was the first person to tell us that our child would likely need to be grade skipped in the future.
The only reason we knew our son could read was because we caught him correcting us when we misread something to him. He wouldn't show what he could do if you asked him. Now, as a 5th grader, he still does not like to stand out. He likes to blend at school. This made advocacy more difficult, because the teacher sees a happy kid who fits in fine. One of the more shocking things we heard from his K teacher was that she thought DS might be verbally delayed. This was a kid whose vocab at the time probably rivaled the average 10yo. With these hiders, it does take more to get the teacher to see.
It's hard to say how much you need to work with the preschool teacher, but it will be good practice for grade school. Incidentally, when we got to kindy, what finally convinced the teachers was when they let DS test with the 2nd graders on the MAP test. When they were able to compare his scores to their 2nd graders, they're eyes opened.
