Oh yes. DS is still very young, but trying to understand the environment he'll need has brought back previously dormant memories. Perhaps most obvious is the fact that my parents viewed my ability implicitly as a status symbol (still do), and I see old patterns re-emerging in their interactions with DS. My father used to teach me to look down on less able people, a terrible habit that I quickly disabused myself of as an adult (and continue to work on). If my father ever tries to tell DS that, if you're smart you don't have to work at anything, I know I will fly off the handle at him.
I was shunned as a child. When I mentioned this to my parents recently, they said, "that's the first we've heard of that." Right...a heavily perfectionistic child documented by a child psychologist as an almost pathological people-pleaser with a (then) touch of anxiety wouldn't try to conceal that sort of self-perceived failure from reaching her judgmental parents' eyes. The daily begging not to go to school didn't provide any clues. Nor was my sudden weight gain and compulsive eating. And this was AFTER my skipping.
I remember grades 5 and 6 being worst. The skip wasn't enough (the second that the school recommended, but my parents refused, wouldn't have been enough, either). I was told that this was a solution, and I became quite disenfranchised when my teachers didn't respond to my repeated requests for acceleration. Everyone around me was drinking the "this is the best placement for you" Kool-Aid, which left me feeling terribly isolated and misunderstood. I'm glad to say a private school placement in grade 7, with lots of personalization, was sufficient to bring me back to enjoying school, though it wasn't until late high school and university, when I had control to cut out a few years myself, that I felt I had the "fit" close to right.
At the very least, these memories have prompted some very honest and productive discussions with DH. I am so fortunate that DH and I are on the same page.
He grew up in a house where his father only valued (and continues to value) intelligence and academic achievement. His children are his trophies. DH has lasting issues from this toxic and--dare I say, psychologically abusive--messaging from his childhood. We're firmly committed to modelling hard work, persistence, and ambitious goal setting with DS. I want him to see us try, fail, and persist until we succeed. As an entrepreneur, I know I can show him that in spades!
These thoughts have led me to want to create a tailored school environment for DS and children like him. So, yes, your concerns are top of mind to me.
