I've had these experiences with 2 of my kids. DS13 didn't truly care about friendship until middle school. He used to say I have nothing in common with the kids at school. He did started a friendship in 3rd grade that has lasted through years, but he was otherwise indifferent to connecting with his peers. Now in High School he probably cares to much as most teens do.
My DD6 was a social butterfly from day one. Only in the last year has she gotten less connected with peers. She had a hard time at camp adjusting to the new group of kids this year. She does have one very close friend, but they are not in the same class or groups anymore. The first couple weeks of camp she played alone. She never complained and the staff had no idea she was having any issues. When I asked her if she wanted to play with other kids she initially said no. Over time I figured out it was that she didn't want to play with them, but she was struggling with their behavior & interests. She isn't a confrontational or even assertive child and was feeling hurt by their reactions to her. She was retreating from their snappy comments rather than rolling with it or responding to them. With a little encouragement from the camp staff she began to connect with the other girls in the group. She is a very geeky goofy girl and doesn't connect with the other girls over the stereotypical girls stuff. She likes Legos & Star Wars not Barbie & clothes. As she gets older she is less willing to pretend she likes the things they like and she isn't willing to tell them she does share their interests.
I spent a lot of time questioning DD about her interactions. I tried hard to not let on to my concerns over it, but inquired a lot about her day. I did ask her if she wanted to play with her peers & why or why not? In her case, it really was a combination of being overly sensitive to their behavior & a lack of common interest, but she did desire peers to connect with. For my DS, he legitimately had no desire at all. Over the years, I encouraged him when the opportunities have come up, but let it be for the most part. He is finding his way socially over time.
