Thank you so much everyone for the wonderful advice. We definitely need it! The most comforting is knowing that we are not the only ones dealing with this!! We are trying very hard to just stick with our decisions (no means no). The problem is she goes crazy screaming, ect... So we are choosing to ignore the fits & stick with our decisions.
I worry that as our first child we are being too strict with her, but with our experience with her the more lenient we are the worse she acts. My mom says she was so strict with my older sister and they still don't have a great relationship, same with DH's older sister and her mom. But I really think the things she is doing requires time-outs or time-outs until she's willing to clean it (after she on purpose drops a spoonful of food on the floor for example).
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond!! I think I'm going to read the reviews for the books suggested and pick one to buy. Thanks again!
