Another parent of a child who never threw this stage (yet) here. All 3 of my kids went through the stage, but my youngest went through it in the most intense way and is still struggle with that need to control at age 9. We eventually saw that for her, part of it is personality, another part anxiety, and a third part is a learning challenge. We were able to see some signs of anxiety at three, but there was nothing then that clued us in to the challenge that would ompact her in school, and to be honest we are still working to understand what's behind it and how it impacts her.
Chances are you have a very intense and totally typically developing bright 3 year old, and if you just hang on for the ride, things will get better within the next year and this will turn out to be a phase. If it turns out not to be just.a phase, or if your gut feeling is telling you it's somethng more, you are still most likely going to need to hang on and ride it out for awhile as she grows and you have opportunities to see how she behaves in different situations. In either event, paying close attention to triggers and continuing to try everything you can to diffuse the situations is the thing to do - whether it's a phase or something more.
FWIW, with our dd, nothing really "worked" for years, but detaching as a parent - walking away, ignoring, not engaging wthi dd until she was calm and acting respectfully -that was the strategy that was most useful for us.
Best Wishes,
polarbear
