In retrospect, when my DD did this (at about 3-3.5) it was because she was TESTING the adults around her to find out whether she could control us with her behavior.
Honestly, the 'choice' thing seemed to make it worse, because it offered the tantalizing reward of...
engagement with her competitor.
En garde, if you will. Only I didn't recognize it.
When she COULD rope me in, it invariably escalated things over a period of days/weeks. Because she was looking for a boundary condition-- a hard wall to keep her (emotionally) safe, sort of.
It was a great relief to her to be told "NO" without further discussion by an authority figure that was not going to budge no matter what she tried. It was comforting to know that SHE was not in control of the adults in her life. At 3, how terrifying is it to know that YOU are the one driving the bus?? Pretty scary if you're smart enough to also know that there is a lot that is scary and confusing about the world, and that you lack the tools to deal with it effectively. Better to have someone more experienced/mature in control.
Some things can be a matter for choice, others not so much. "No, this isn't open for discussion" is a completely valid response to a 3yo. In some instances, it's also valid with my 14yo, in spite of what she thinks.
Developmentally normal, yes, but the lengths to which HG+ kids are capable of elevating this game are downright disturbing. DD was very wily at 3, and even moreso now at 14. It stopped when I stopped actively feeding the process. A good reminder to me about not feeding the cycle, though. I've needed this lately with her.
