Max's Mom, you have my complete sympathy. My son was born with an agenda and the will to see it through! His determination to explore and need for constant stimulation, added to little sleep, just about broke my husband and me during the first 3 years of his life. He's only 3.5 now, but these last six months he's made several developmental leaps and life is better, if not easier.
By 4 she had learned to 'deal' and is now a sweet child for the most part (now 8).
It didn't matter what kind of discipline we tried, there was very little that deterred my son when he had a goal in mind. He'd just take the consequence and be right back at it, or as close as he could get if we took it (or him) away. Fortunately for our survival, he turned a corner once we could make deals with him and each get something that we wanted. There are certain nonnegotiables, but for everything else I'm willing to compromise if it will give us peace and speedy compliance.
We recently read a chapter in a book on ADD titled "ADD Games". One game was called "Let's Have a Problem". The chapter talked about how in order to regulate themselves they unconsciously create conflict just to feel a "normal" level of stimulation...
My experience has been of a HG+ extremely verbal hyperactive child who needs less sleep than I do and is highly amused at finding anything that evokes a negative response. It is incredibly exhausting and way more than most parents could begin to relate to.
With a child like this, as others have mentioned, it is CRITICAL to remain very calm. If you lose your cool you are "feeding the beast" so to speak. It is providing the (negative) stimulation your child is hungry for and it is as addictive as a drug because in his brain he is getting the shift in neurotransmitters he needs from that reaction. This has been the number one thing I have been told by the experienced parents and professionals I have consulted.
Very interesting. My son also LOVES a reaction and is an expert at pushing people's buttons. But I discovered around 2 that I could often role-play the mischief/naughtiness/exaggerated reaction with his stuffed animals in the middle of a meltdown which would delight him and diffuse his own misbehavior.
