... among peers where our gifted kids have trouble relating and are reminded to dumb it down a bit
I don't like the term "dumb it down."
To me, it's kind of arrogant and contains an implicit value judgment that the listener is dumb.
I know lots of people who don't understand my field. When I talk about what I'm working on to them, I don't assume that I'm dumbing stuff down or that they're dumb. I assume that I'm explaining an idea to someone who doesn't possess my level of background information and who may not be interested in hearing all the details. They do the same for me. The fact that someone explains Scala in basic terms to me doesn't make me dumb.
My gifted DS's version is that he IS being nice when he politely corrects someone. We tell him most people don't like to be corrected. His reasoning is, "Mom, is it nice to knowingly let these people go through their life embarrassing themselves because they are wrong?" He truly believes in his heart he is helping them...
Ahh. But your DS is wrong and you need to correct him. And he isn't being polite. His tone may be polite, but his action isn't.
Besides, those other people may also
truly believe in their hearts that they're right about the perceived mistake. A lot of stuff in life is subjective and a right answer doesn't exist, so it's not always accurate to claim that YOU ARE WRONG ABOUT THE RELATIVE MERITS OF A VS. B, no matter how strongly you believe it.
Plus, even when there is a right answer ("13 x 13 = 169, not 269"), why would it be reasonable to assume that a person will go through his whole life telling people that 13*13 is 269? He probably has other stuff to do.
Plus, why is it your son's job to correct others? I don't correct others who aren't my kids unless a) they ask or b) the results of the mistake would be harmful, as in, "Don't climb onto that branch; it's cracked and you'll fall."
Here's an example of how correcting the minor wrong can create a larger problem. After he gets a driver's license, should your son correct other drivers who are speeding by getting in front of them and setting cruise control at the speed limit? Should he wave signs at people going 70 in a 65 zone, saying SLOW DOWN? Of course not. He could cause an accident. Besides, policing other drivers is the Highway Patrol's job, and when other people try to force their version of "right" on others, they can create more problems, like traffic jams, crashes due to distraction, or road rage. Plus, there are signs that say "Slower traffic move right." So it seems that there are two right answers on the highway: don't speed, but let other people speed.
I would say this idea carries over into other areas: try not to make mistakes, but let other people make their own errors (outside extreme circumstances, as in, "Dear, you're about to run a red light" or "Doctor, you're supposed to amputate the OTHER leg.").
Is it possible that your son is focusing on the trees and not realizing that there's a forest there?
