Then there is the perfectionism, which is just getting worse. She is highly competitive and always wants to be the best. She freaks out if she gets the smallest thing wrong (even if it's something that is completely unrealistic!). I can't tell you how many tears we have at home because she can't achieve some completely unrealistic goal that she has set forth for herself.
Hmmm-- well, I'm coming at this from the standpoint of raising a perfectionist whose tendencies in that direction were equally obvious from a very young age.
I think that I'd consider that in your thought process. Consider it very carefully-- because a more "academic" environment is likely to seriously exacerbate this problem and foster even worse things down the road-- unless, as CCN's post notes, you can find one that
will truly offer meaningful intellectual challenge. That's not easy, since most adults don't see it as a "problem" when a five year old can "already do" everything in first, second, and third grade curricula. They don't see that unholy zeal for 100% as a negative thing (instead viewing it as "drive" or "charming") until it turns into disordered eating and severe anxiety during adolescence. This is just stupid, since the two things are inextricably linked to one another, and deliberately
encouraging perfectionistic qualities in a child like this is a recipe for complete and total disaster.
Kids with this much perfectionism this young? Definite red flags. Don't ignore those, no matter HOW perfect other things seem, and no matter how otherwise happy that child is with a particular placement.
Let me guess--
everything for her is (already) either "Look at me-- I'm the best-- I'm perfect-- I love this!" or "I cannnnnnnnnnnn't."
Right?
I know where this train goes. Nowhere good. My advice, personally? Support your child
emotionally to face things which make her uncomfortable-- do NOT allow her to avoid them in favor of doing those things she's already "good" at. Look for areas where effort is directly proportional to results, and where results are either ungraded (subjective) or where her "best" is likely to come in at the 80th-90th percentile, but no higher.
It also sounds to me as though you need to work with her to understand that relationships
can be "repaired" after disagreements. Those are important life skills-- and sensitive or not, holding grudges and burning bridges over misunderstandings isn't a good habit to form. Does she have contact with true peers? If not, that might also be something to work at; if only to see if the interpersonal interactions are better/different from what you're seeing at school. It is
possible that her agemates can't give her what she's seeking, and that this is the root of the problem with classmates. It's also possible that this is an indicator of basic inflexibility or an unwillingness to compromise/forgive, which would be a different matter. Clearly.
