It's been awhile since I've posted about DD (almost 4) but for a long time we were happy with her school situation so there really wasn't much to say.
However, I could use some advice on dealing with a perfectionist and especially one who is very sensitive emotionally. So here's the situation...
DD has be going to a private Montessori school for awhile now. From our perspective as parents it's great. It goes up until 8th grade, the school has some highly gifted students but also is great about incorporating everyone (and has a number of special needs kids whose parents also rave about the school). Whenever we talk to her teachers I feel like they get her, they listen well to our concerns and they have even discussed giftedness with us and suggested a private tester when we feel ready to go through with that. They also try to follow her interests and if we mention that she is interested in X they will try to find books for her on it or broach the subject with her.
However, DD has been complaining a lot. We speak English at home but the school is in the local language (and she is the only bilingual child there). She begs to go to an English speaking school or at least another bilingual school regardless of the languages taught there. She is constantly getting into "fights" with her friends. We've seen some of these "fights" first hand where it's essentially a kid wanting to play something else and goes off to do that. DD interprets it as if her friend hates her and is no longer her friend any more and will stop doing anything and just cry/pout (and she remembers these episodes long after they happen and still talks about how so-and-so is no longer my friend). She also has an issue with one particular kid at the school who will hit her. The teachers are very aware of the problem and deal with it effectively, DD knows to tell the teachers immediately too. But she really internalizes the problem and can't stop thinking about it for days (sometimes months) after an incident.
Then there is the perfectionism, which is just getting worse. She is highly competitive and always wants to be the best. She freaks out if she gets the smallest thing wrong (even if it's something that is completely unrealistic!). I can't tell you how many tears we have at home because she can't achieve some completely unrealistic goal that she has set forth for herself.
DH and I are baffled. I really feel strongly that the Montessori school has the best options for her academically (the other schools locally are all aged based and gifted programs simply don't exist here) but DD is not happy there. Also, I worry that an age-based school would leave her bored (as is she complains about boredom at school and that she just wants to play all the time but at home she is constantly doing more academic work like writing letters to family members, doing puzzles, asking questions about science etc and barely plays with her real toys).
We always try to emphasize that even the best of us need to practice various tasks over and over again until we can accomplish them (we talk about our own failures and how we learn over time). Yet she still puts this tremendous amount of pressure on herself. The school has said they also focus on that and talk to her about how we all have different abilities.
