My DD was like that too. It was incredibly difficult, for years. Four was rough... five was even harder! She's just turned ten and is sooooo much more well adjusted ...she's able to forgive herself for mistakes, she's emotionally resilient now and she recovers quickly from her sensitivities. When she was the same age as your DD though, I thought I was going to lose my mind.
I don't have a lot of advice, but I do want to say that it gets better
Maybe stick with your current school if you really think it's the best choice (it sounds great) but make sure that your daughter feels heard.
My DD's perfectionism, btw, was also getting worse at that age, and peaked at about grade 2 (6 yrs). What helped was pushing her past her ability to be perfect (i.e. challenging the heck out of her). It's kind of like exposure therapy to OCD. It really, really worked. She'll probably always have a touch of it - it's part of who she is - but she's much better able to function now.
Hang in there! I does get better
