Both of my 2e kiddos have huge challenges with spelling. Neither of them has asked this specific question yet, but ds12 has asked some tough questions related to his 2e challenges. If one of my kids did ask this question, these are the things I'd talk to them about:
* Being young, being in school - those are tough years in many ways for kids with any kind of challenge such as dyslexia. They can be challenging for other kids with other challenges too, and most of us have some kind of challenge as well as some things we're good at.
* Not all adults can spell. In my family, for instance, my dh can't spell worth a darn (I wouldn't honestly be surprised if he isn't an undiagnosed dyslexic - and dyslexia does sometimes have a genetic component - if you can think of anyone else in your family who might have dyslexia and make a connection that might be something that would help for your dd to know). Not being able to spell has not *in any way* kept my dh from having a very successful career and from being very happy in life. He also doesn't have to spell in his career - like many many many adults - he uses keyboarding to write in his career and he has spellchecker always turned on. When he does have to write down a brief note or whatever and he doesn't spell a word correctly, if he doesn't know how to spell it he asks. If he doesn't know he doesn't know how to spell it he doesn't know to ask, but he also doesn't let it slow him down one bit when he finds out it's not spelled correctly - he knows that his ideas speak for themselves (strongly) and that misspelled word holds no power over the ideas. That's not something he probably knew at 10 but it's something he grew into and sometimes just letting my kids know they will grow to that point where things will no longer be felt with an impact helps them get through the here and now.
* Most importantly (imo) - after talking about how she is feeling - is to give your dd a rehearsed answer to this type of comment. For instance, when someone asks her how can she be in the gifted program when she can't spell, she could answer "I am dyslexic; I have a harder time than most kids with spelling, but it doesn't mean I'm not smart" - or whatever she wants to tell them. But having that rehearsed-ahead-of-time answer makes it easier to know what to say in the moment.
* The other thing I've done with my kids, not just when things like this happen but also just at random times when things are going ok, is to share stories of famous adult dyslexics.
polarbear
