We feel your pain with DD4, but have high hopes in the Transforming book we just bought. We finally realized that the parenting techniques that worked for DD8 do not work so well for DD4.
What's more, we are only really realizing how terribly difficult it has been for DD8 living with the constant battles, ear-piercing screams, and exhausted and cranky parents. No wonder why she asked us last night, "Why did you even want a second child?" We try to answer it diplomatically.
It's hard not to feel like a bad parent when your friends don't have these issues. It's worse and sometimes hopeless feeling when you thought you had already figured it out with your first one, who was supposedly intense.
There are some bright moments, however. I can now picture that phrase "spitting mad" with perfect clarity. When DD4 is down for the count, collapsed on the stairs with no ammunition left to throw, she summons her Maori war face and spits--sometimes the ground, but usually on her chin because she's not very good at spitting. Bad, yes, but not as bad as her old trademark victory pee in the timeout high chair.
We have learned to count our blessings!
