We get a lot of "She is bright but not gifted. If she were gifted, she would do ________."
Hearing this just drives me nuts! First, there is no one cookie-cutter mold that all gifted kids fit into. And second, because so what? Let's just say for argument's sake she's not "gifted" but *just* (sarcasm!) "bright". If she's "bright" and she's bored, why not give her more challenging work?
Do you have test data (ability and achievement) from the school? Did she miss a cutoff for a gifted program? Or is the teacher just making that non-gifted assumption based on not seeing certain behaviors?
Is it ever appropriate to tell your child that you disagree with the way something is being taught at school?
I feel it's ok to share when you as a parent don't agree with something that is going on at school, and also to share some of your frustrations with the school (as long as you feel what your sharing is appropriate for your child and isn't going to erode their confidence in school in a situation where you can't make change). We've been honest with our kids about a number of things that we had issues with at school - my dd10 has severe allergies, and she was very aware of the times we disagreed with how her medical issues were handled at school - that was very important for her to know because we needed her to know what she needed to do to be safe *plus* we wanted her to see that we are always her advocate re her medical needs. There have been some times at school for all three of our kids that we weren't happy with what was going on in their classroom - whether or not we shared our concerns really depended on the situation. I've also found that it's usually for the most part good to share and be honest simply because our kids are living through the situation, and they are often more frustrated than we are, whether or not they tell us.
She was excited to take a young readers course through CTY, but when we went to register her, she changed her mind and said she doesn't want to do it. It's too much effort. That is becoming more and more the norm. Everything is too much effort.
I doubt any of my kids, no matter how motivated (and I have quite the range of motivation at my house ;)) would want to take one of the CTY courses. It does take a bit of effort (especially mentally) to consider taking a real extra course that's added in on top of a full week of school. My kids love academic extras outside of school, but they prefer them in smaller doses, in the form of reading, watching a close-ended video as opposed to a full length course, building a project, going to a museum etc. They have done a few online courses, but only the open-ended type where they could set their own pace and take it or leave it as they pleased. I may be remembering this incorrectly, but I think CTY courses go by a calendar with set start and end dates?
I also think your dd is at a really really tough stage in life. Most of the girls I know (including my dd10) start to have some attitude changes hit when they hit pre-puberty. That sounds negative, and I don't mean it that way, just can't think of a better way to describe it. I have seen it *big* time in my own dd and in a few other girls I've known really well. So while your dd is having to sit in school bored, it's also happening at a time when a lot of girls just tend to have motivational challenges anyway. I really feel for her -
What to do? It really depends on the child. My ds became extremely frustrated with the pace of regular school by the time he was in 4th grade and he'd long before that started to lose that spark of love of learning that he so obviously had when he was younger. We switched to a small private school at that point. It still doesn't meet his needs entirely - he is very bored still in some of his classes, but he was allowed to accelerate in some of his subjects and that helped tremendously just getting to move ahead in a few areas. The change of environment helped too - schools can be as different as night and day, and his new school is a better fit for him in many ways other than academic. When you can't change schools, maybe try to find other things outside of school that are interesting, fun, challenging - but don't feel they have to be as organized and structured as a course. Sometimes just getting a little fun - whatever that is for a child - will help the rest of everything feel better.
Best wishes,
polarbear
