islandofapples... boy, do I get your husband. I'm an avid gamer who has been nagged by the wife about it, and I'm also former military with very little regard for the type of authoritarianism and structure it involves.
But yeah, he needs to get over it. I hardly play games anymore, because who has time? I have a brother who finds the time, but he's pretty much neglecting his daughter to do it, and I want to throw things at him. I have another brother whose wife was on Facebook games all day, and she's finally curbed that only because he threatened her with divorce... it got THAT bad.
Nicely played on the babysitter - Farmville thing. As for schedules, I'd remind him that regardless of whether he thinks he needs a schedule, the baby does. Babies don't know what's going on around them and why, they're very confused and insecure, and a reliable pattern of behavior helps give them that sense of security they need.
Once you get him agreeing to a daily pattern for the baby, then he naturally has to fall into a daily pattern to help provide it. If the baby is up by 9:00am, he has to be, too. Other than that, you can ask him to block a certain amount of time each day for his tasks... so if he's going to be working on a programming project, just ask him to spend a certain number of hours on it (otherwise he's not being serious about it), a certain number of hours with the kid, etc. How he uses that time can still be left up to him, just as long as he's hitting those targets. I'd also say that the kid doesn't need him in her face all day long, so he can be rewarded with an hour of Xbox a day. He's still got a lot of flexibility, so if the project is getting frustrating and he needs to step away, he can do that and zap aliens for 20 minutes.
One suggestion I'd make is that the next time there's an issue with how he's spending time with the baby, rather than confront him and argue about it (remember, he doesn't like authority), talk to him about your own feelings about how doing the professional thing is conflicting with your desire to nurture your daughter. Guys love to hear about problems, and our first instinctive reaction is, "How can I fix this?" Then he feels like he's choosing to be a part of the solution, rather than being ordered into it.
