I am finding that the more I read the more emotions I am starting to feel about this whole situation. Did any of you go through this?
At first it was just a mad attack to gain as much information as I could to get her settled into a new school year in the proper place and with the proper support. Now I guess I have hit the stage where I feel sad about the difficulties she will face alternating with pride that she is such an amazing little person. Then there is fear about what the future may hold for her. Will she ever have the chance to make use of that amazing little brain with all these ld's to overcome? Then of course there is guilt - as I read more and more I am identifying some of my own issues and many of DH's. It leaves me feeling like this poor kid never had a chance with the genetic pool we offered her.
Yeah, it's a ride, isn't it? Not my favorite, but doable, and the high points are great. Some thoughts:
1. Everybody gets what they get genetically. When choosing mates, most people don't comb their family trees looking for things that can combine badly. Your DD is very bright... I think you can call that a win, even with challenges thrown in.
Brightness doesn't overcome all challenges, but on the whole it really helps a person learn to compensate if they just learn well in general.
2. I try to plan therapies on a 5-year outlook (where will DS need to be in 5 years, what skills will he need, let's see what we can do about teaching those so he'll get there). But I try to keep worry contained locally, on a shorter time scale. I know we're doing everything we can on the 5-year goals; if he doesn't make it we'll revise; but I'm going to try to get through today in some kind of good shape, without panic, because the panic doesn't add anything valuable to the planning process. Notice the panic, acknowledge it, but let it go.
3. About having had her in a bad situation: we went through this too. We solved it eventually without changing schools through a massive education campaign and getting the principal to attend carefully to teacher placement. I think our school is now better not only for my DS but for others.
Did he suffer some in the process, before we were able to arrive at a workable situation? Well, yes. Am I thrilled about that? Well, no. But I do think he has learned that situations can change, that just because it was bad once doesn't mean it will always be bad-- and that is some valuable learning. You can't shelter your kid from everything, and sometimes letting them see and even experience problems and then see the problems getting resolved in some way is a good life lesson.
As people with disabilities, they have to eventually become problem-solvers for themselves, comfortable in the knowledge of how their disabilities affect them, and with an understanding of their ability to find solutions. If they never see problems, they won't get there.
Not to say that it's all lovely. The school part has been the hardest part for me, because there I have had the least control.
4. The anger/guilt. You can't go back and fix the past based on what you know now. (Wish you could, but you can't.) This is true for school people as well as for you. Would I have done everything differently had I known then what I know now? It would have been easier, for sure. But I didn't know, I was trying to figure it out, but through no fault of my own I could not get it done faster than I did. I think it is worth thinking this through and absolving yourself of any guilt. You got there, when you could get there. And earlier than many people do.
You worked VERY HARD this year to get your DD where she needed to be. (I was very impressed with your speed, depth of thinking, reasonableness, and effectiveness.) If anything, you deserve a pat on the back and a treat. Not self-flagellation.
DeeDee
ps Editing to add: when I reread what I just wrote, I realize that it's very like what I tell DS if he's panicking: "Make a coping statement." I just shared some of my coping statements with you. :-)
