I haven't figured out how to do a cut and paste from a previous post yet. Yes to your first thought, this was completely true for me: "1.) I should just accept being a mommy, accept I get no free time and my house is a mess and make sure DD has all she needs from me and gets to BF until at least age 2 like I want her to. And I should accept I will be raising babies for 4-6 years continually."
Our two children are 2 y 2 mos apart, intentionally. Our oldest didn't sleep for a year, and we just wanted to get the second one's babyhood over and done with. We also hoped the close spacing would make them better playmates, which it has. Another benefit for us is that they'll be at the same school together for longer, making school coordination easier - provided the school continues to meet both of their needs.
They are now 4 and 6, both self-sufficient, and life is much easier. I can't imagine dealing with a baby's schedule right now in the midst of all of our big kid activities.
Even though we aren't tending to a baby/toddler every moment, there is still not enough time for everything I want to do. So I go through phases of focusing on different relationships (work, marriage, friends, personal, volunteer commitments, etc.) over the course of a year. I made peace with that a few years ago, and I appreciate each phase when I'm in it.
