In this case he feels the fifth grade kids will pick on him. He has seen that sort of bullying at school before. It could be he is overreacting since he is pretty sensitive (especially about being different).
The principal told me again today that she will not "create a special curriculum" for him is he stays in 4th grade. He can stay in 4th or move to 5th.
Well done, Kathleen!
So was this past bullying done at this school or at other schools?
If it was at this school, then I would bring up that concern with the Principle and see if she is more willing to allow the subject accelerations.
Personally, I think she is doing you a favor by 'playing hardball' and only offering the limited choice of 'be a normal 5th grader' or 'be an unhappy 4th grader and make the best of it.' Is he really safe from bullying if he's only attending 5th grade for half his subjects? I doubt it. IF the bullying is a problem - then solve it!!!
If I were the Principle, and I heard a parent saying: 'I agree he should be in 5th grade, but he's afraid of your students.' it would inspire me to pay attention and think outside the box.
Then I would brainstorm how to solve the bullying problem:
1) Creating an anti-bullying program at the school so that every child of every agegroup starts getting the message that it's the audience that creates an atmousphere where bullying happens, and it's up to the audience-members to speak up and stop unfair treatment of classmates.
2) Set up a team-taught combined 4th-5th grade classroom with some of DS's favorite friends so that the whole group will be together and his current friends can stand up the whatever 5th graders are causing a problem, and DS can have his full skip to 5th grade without lossing his social supports.
3) Get social skills training of DS, at school, afterschool or through Martial Arts so that DS grows in his self confidence and skills to handle difficult social challenges.
And you may be right - DS might well be projecting his discomfort with being different onto others. If he doesn't accept himself for who he is, how is he to expect others to accept him. If this is true, the skip will be likely to help DS accept himself 'differences and all.'
Not to mention that DS might be very panicy about the idea of actually having to 'work' in order to 'feel smart' in school. If this is running then you have all the more reason to skip him.
In the end, I think you can get a lot of milage out of telling DS, 'this is where the Principle believes you need to be. It might mean that you need to grow in ways that you don't believe you can grow right now, but I believe that you can grow in those ways, and I have faith that you will.'
Because:
All members of this family are expected to put themselves in situation where they face challenges and have to work to overcome those challenges."
Yup - that's the point of a Motto - it gets repeated over and over and becomes the punchline of every story!
An alternative path is to review the Motto, and then review the facts '4th grade doesn't provide a challenging situation for you' and ask DS to come up with some brainstorms for alternatives. At our house this sometimes means that I am impressed and give DS a few months to try, or that DS realizes that his ideas are a lot more work than he wants to do.
Love and More Love,
Grinity
