I don't know how to make myself respect someone, when I feel so strongly that they have to earn it, or at least not lose it.
My partner sitting next to me has been reading along, and she says (to me) "Hey, you used to be just like that guy!" Like I said, it took me until I was 34 and 9 months of CBT, so I don't know that any of us are going to be able to help you much there.
I think the useful self-examination question I took from counseling was "Assume that the other guy is right. What do you do now?" Maybe it'll be helpful to you.
