I am a stay at home mom for crying out loud. This is my job. Why should I feel so guilty for not putting her in school yet?
One, I think it is because I worry that she is missing out on an oppourtunity to get ahead. Silly?
I think you are a good mom for being willing to take such an unflinchinly honest look at yourself. Thats a great quality that is hard to come by.
Truth is - humans are herd animals. It's normal for us to look over our shoulders at what 'everyone else' is doing, and want to be doing the same thing. Especial when we become new moms. But, the experience of having a child who is significantly outside the norm can be a huge growing experience. It's time for you to look inside and ask your self. What qualities do I want to encourage in MY child? Does it matter to me if she is first in her high school class? Do I want her to win a Nobel Prize? What kind of person am I and what do I want to teach and encourage in my child? Get ahead? (of whom?)
I'm not promising that your child will turn out the way you picture, but why spend time worrying if she will 'get ahead' if you really don't care a whit.
Things I have heard moms here want for their child:
To be kind to others and themselves.
To learn, as they grow, to have a good work ethic. (Not before age 5)
To enjoy learning.
To enjoy living.
To not learn that she has to hide her intelligence to fit in at school - nor that she has to show it off every second.
To make hard choices, and keep going when it isn't easy.
I don't want you to just adopt what I think. I want you to think for yourself. And after you decide what you want, then look for a 'section of the herd' that shares your values.
This won't be that last decision you have to make, or the last pressure you have to face - take a look at some of the 'greatest hits'
Preschool vs. no preschool
What age a cell phone?
Grade skip vs. no skip?
IQ test at age 5 or not?
Private school vs. public?
Make-up at what age?
Welcome to parenting - Welcome to feeling inadequate. Of course you can complain about it, but know that as long as each child keeps being born an individual, that we will never have all the information we feel that we need. This is the nature of parenting.
There are so many questions that it really helps to figure out what are your values. Even if they change. With 'unusual' kids you end up having to make unusual choices. Choices that peers, strangers at the grocery store, and sometimes family members can't understand.
This is why so many people say that having children makes us finally grow up!
So consentrate on making that happy homelife - don't worry if she shows no interest in reading - follow her lead - love her up!
It would be nice to be officially recognized - it is an awesome feeling to know that you aren't weird for talking to her 'that way' - sorry I can't provide that - but I have to say the her 'aquarium lecture' that you described sound very much like what my son used to do.
Love and More Love,
Grinty
