Having my own experiences with music and sports does help in raising my children however it really is so easy to forget and wind up pushing too hard. I also forget that my daughter is not even 5 yet I talk to her like an adult. I have difficulty talking to a 4 yr. old on a 4 yr. old level I guess. I'm a very analytical, logical person.
I was a gymnast for 11 yrs. and was pushed very hard by coaches...telling me that I was fat at 8 when in fact I was too underweight (you could see my ribs). They made you get back up if you got hurt, lift weights, 50 push ups, etc., etc. I was taught to ignore pain...I remember being thrown into a wall because I didn't want to get back up on the balance beam. This and the constant requests to perform for my parents' friends was too much and I would just simply push back and refuse knowing the verbal abuse that would ensue.
In spite of all those bad experiences...I have grown to appreciate the gifts I have had and regret not fulfilling them, particularly piano. Gymnastics is a nasty sport that has left me permanently damaged physically. I was told to choose between figure skating and gymnastics...I can't say how figure skating would have gone but gymnastics was hard on my body. Don't forget ballet and tap when I was little.
I too was way too busy...piano, concert band and orchestra (I played the French Horn), gymnastics, and diving. I'd be at school at 6 AM to practice diving, then throughout the day I'd play in the band and orchestra, then at the end of the day I'd be at gymnastics practice. Keep in mind that your children will be less likely to tell you that they are overwhelmed because they really do want to please you and want you to be proud of them. I don't feel that I had much of an opportunity to be a kid.
My best advice in regards to this particular issue I guess would be to watch for the signs of being overwhelmed (passive aggressive behaviors such as silence when requested to perform...they want it to be their choice not yours...it's hard to be put on the spot, particularly if you're a perfectionist). It's humiliating to be required to perform for your parents' friends and have the fear of God in you that you might make a mistake and look stupid. Other signs to look for might be an over exaggerated response to something that appears quite menial. Talk to your kids and allow them to be honest about their feelings, they have to know that they can trust you in order to open up.
I like it when I hear that people want their kids to be kids and not mini adults. I have to remind myself of that all the time in spite of what I know. I wrote a paper on adult Narcissism via their children...in other words a parent living vicariously through their child which is a dangerous thing to do because their very identity winds up being up for collatoral and is based on your performance, looks, etc...as it was for me. As long as I looked good enough and performed well enough...then my mother felt good enough. Needless to say it didn't go over well however on a positive note, and yes there is one...we have a fantastic relationship now, we really do.
Sorry I write novels here apparently! :o)
