I think it is (largely) a word choice issue; specifically, I think we're using the word "smart" to mean two very different things. My "getting smarter" is (by my intention) pretty much synonymous with your "developing cognitively"*. As for the other distinction you draw, I'm interested in helping my DS to develop rather than in developing him against his will - although we are not unschoolers, and I do direct to some extent, so it is possible we aren't 100% in agreement!
*thinking about it, I could believe that this is non-standard usage. Sorry for the confusion if so: I'm British, so in my native language being "smart" actually means wearing polished shoes and an ironed shirt!
Gotcha.
