I think this is difficult to answer because personality does play a part in how you handle a given situation.
I am not shy and we live in small town, rife with all those things you mention. Personally I couldn't give a toss about what other people think about our situation, whether it be to my face or behind my back. Therefore I have no problem ignoring it, but that is easier said than done for a lot of people, or basically telling someone who I think has over stepped the mark to mind their own business.
Your DD sounds very well adjusted and I see no reason to discuss this with her. Don't burden her with the petty opinions of other parents.
