She also tells me that my DD ... is arguing with the teacher and other kids about answers to quiz questions and then told the teacher she was right and she was smarter than her. The teacher told me well I told her that I was smarter than her as I had been to University and if she listened to me she would learn something. Apparently (and I am still shocked that DD would say this!) she says she is smart and doesn't need to learn X and Y as she already knows it and is the smartest in the class.
Tizz,
My heart goes out to you. There are moments in parenting where our children ask us to grow in ways that we had planned on just giving up on. You are at one of those moments now. My son put me through plenty. I believe that you are hearing her cry for help, and that none of your previous plans will stop you from doing what is right for her.
It is frustrating that your daughter was offered to go with the older kids for certian subjects, and didn't take the opportunity. I think it isn't her fault. I think that she was reading the hidden 'ambivilances' all around her and doing what she though was going to make teachers, classmates, and maybe even you, the happiest.
Your daughter is 'right' in a way - her adults have certianly been 'stupid' in asking her to sit with her agemates and make the best of it for (count up the hours) since school started. My son had a lazer-like ability to notice what the teacher expected him to be able to do academically, and to resent the teacher's perfectly reasonable (but wrong) assesment. We adults have mixed feelings about so many things. We delight in the reading ability, but still wish that the child didn't have special educational needs that inconvience everyone.
You had the best of intentions for your daughter's educational placement. You were told that the teachers always have a large range of ability in the room (ahem, but not that large!) and are trained professionals. You also may know of kids who were skipped and weird.
It's the old 'causation/association' question - were they skipped because they were weird, or weird because they were skipped, or were both the weirdness and the skip caused by some other factor (bingo!)
I can pretty much garentee that those kids would have been weird no matter what, in our societies that value conformity. I'm weird, (although not skipped) and it just wasn't in the cards for me to be able to hide it!
Girls, particularly gifted girls, are quite good at figuring out what is 'expected' and 'acceptable.' She knows that bragging is not approved - and so you can take her actions to mean that 'the gloves are off' and she has tried her best to be the child you have been telling her (through the action of not skipping her) to be, and now she has had her fill of it, so watch out.
She is also saying, with her behavior, that Adult Attention is her favorite reinforcer - positive or negative matters not a bit to her.
Please don't sit her down and explain that it's wrong to tell the teacher that she is smarter that the teacher. Yes - it is unacceptable behavior, but your daughter knows it. If you don't believe me, try telling your DH, (or DP or a friend or whatever) that you are smarter than them within your daughter's hearing and watch her face. She will laugh, or be upset, or something that will let you know that she knows better.
((You may want to get your conspiritor's agreement first.))
You have to get her out of that classroom situation. If possible, ask your tester to help you advocate, or switch schools, or do a few months of homeschooling. You need to appologise to your DD and start fresh. You are the adult, and you are supposed to know better and be able to fix everything. As a fellow adult, I know that often I don't know better, often I can't fix everything, but our children need us to do our best. It's the intention that really matters.
I'm so glad that you posted here. That was really brave of you. Your daughter is giving you a wake up call, and hitting you right were you live - your 'I'll just be quiet and not make a fuss' button!
((Many Hugs and Smiles))
Love and More Love,
Grinity
