Lisa ... don't get overwhelmed with it all. Take small steps. And if you feel that her issues stem from SI rather then ADHD my question is has she been tagged with the diagnoses of ADHD? If so, is she on meds? You might want to take the information to the doctors and see what they say. She might very well have ADHD but if through reading on SI it sounds more like your daughter and things are making sense definitely take it in and see how they can help. My friend's daughter still sees a therapist. She is not 'cured' by any stretch but with the diagnose everyone is on the same page now and they are working towards helping her deal with her anxieties and outbursts. It takes time ... simple things such as bringing down empty cans from her room is still a big ordeal. She will argue and bargain on every tiny thing. She was also having some separation anxiety when it came to her mother and this tied to her mother who was a single mother her entire life getting married. She went from being the center of her mother's life to sharing that time and even though she adores her new father she couldn't get past that.
But I do agree with others' comments about boarding school. Your daughter might really think she absolutely wants this but sometimes things will escalate when they are not in their known environment and that really means around you. Have you considered doing a long art program in the summer months to see how she does with that? If she blossoms then she is ready to be away.
