VENTING!
OK, I�ve had it with my DS (10). As DH put it recently (outside of DS�s hearing) DS is the dumbest bright kid he�s ever known. I might change the dumbest to most stubborn and shortsighted but understand where DH is coming from.
How hard is to grasp that if you really don�t like doing something, doing it right the first time means less time spent doing it overall?
How difficult is it to actually double check tests and homework for careless errors?
How hard is it to remember that homework comes before free time after school and stop throwing a temper tantrum daily?
I am spending most of my time redirecting DS (at this point often very loudly) to do the need to things before the want to activities.
Since Christmas, DS�s grades have dropped in all subjects from high A�s to mid B-C range. It isn�t that he doesn�t get the material, he just doesn�t want to double check ANYTHING and is rushing through stuff and not thinking about his answers. Often, he isn�t even reading the directions and does the entire assignment wrong. Any discussion of the issue with him leads to melt downs and temper tantrums. DH and I constantly try to get him to understand that a few errors are fine and getting something wrong because you don�t understand the concept is fine. It is only amount of correctable (if he double checked his work) errors that is causing our concern.
I have tried many incentive programs, positive reinforcements, negative consequences, calm discussions about his thoughts and such about his options and what he thinks is going on. I have talked with his teachers who are as frustrated as DH and I. We are all out of ideas. All of us know that DS has the ability to do the work; he just doesn�t appear to be putting any effort into it. I know DS is getting very anxious about school. He is hiding his tests from me, preferring to spend recess inside for not getting them signed than bring them home for DH and I to see. He also is tearing the grades of the top of his class work before bringing them home. I know he is unhappy with how he is doing, but his answer is that he�s not good at math, reading etc.
I am thinking about having him write 1 page essays for me about the impact of not paying attention to details and double checking his work when he brings home work that is below a B due to rushing or carelessness. Most of his careless mistakes are in how he is spelling in his words in essays or how is forming the letters in cursive. Ls and bs are the biggest problem. When he is rushing (apparently the written assignments are timed) he skips words, endings of words or just doesn�t back up his conclusions. DS really hates to physically write. It is still painful both physically and emotionally for him to write. However, I am wondering if going through extra writing assignments from me might get the point across that if he doesn�t want to spend more time writing, he needs to pay attention to his other assignments? It seems a bit cruel knowing that he has processing speed issues and dysgraphia, however, I am worried that if he doesn�t break through this wall, he is going to completely give up on school and learning.
Outside of school, he also has little to no interest in any activities that take attention to detail or effort.. He won�t do pleasure reading, fun math or any kind of writing. I do think that his ADHD type issues are contributing to his problems but our options are limited to behavioral interventions (that aren�t working) due to other health issues.
Sorry for the very down post, but I�m so frustrated and tired of daily battles. I have to make him do his homework, but I�m to the point of dreading to see him get off the bus in the afternoons. I�m trying to stay positive with him and failing miserably. At this point despite the test scores, I would have a hard time as a teacher believing that this student is gifted. As his parent, I am not convinced that he belongs in the gifted program right now even knowing that good grades are not required to be gifted!
Thanks for letting me vent! I know I'm whining and appreciate this forum to do so. DH is very supportive but out of ideas and family just thinks we "pushed" DS too hard and his current work is too hard for him and we should accept that he really isn't capable of the work. Maybe that is true, but then I would think we'd be seeing concept and comprehension problems not simple errors. Even his teacher says that if she asks DS to answer a question verbally, she gets a completely different level of answer than he shows in seat work.
Thanks Again!
