A good school fit is worth its weight in gold. I am 100% in agreement there.
But sticking it out when there's not a good fit is, I have concluded, not necessarily good to do...especially as early in the school career as my DS6 is.
For the record, if you had told me a month ago that I would be representing the homeschooling point of view in a discussion, I'd have snorted. I am wed to no particular form of education beyond what works for a particular child at a particular time. I was public school all the way, and until we had trouble with the public school, pubic school was what DH and I had planned to do with both our kids. I thought homeschoolers were mostly either religious nuts or hippies (no offense intended to any religious nuts or hippies in attendance!
)...right up until the day we decided to home school!
Interesting point, however, I believe that a good school setting can offer more than homeschooling on two fronts.
1) It allows the parents to have a different, purely supportive role in the education.
Agreed. I miss that already. This is probably the best point against homeschooling I've ever come across, and this is the first time I've ever seen/heard it represented.
Truth be told, I looked forward to the time when I could send my kids off to school and I could be a helper, not a teacher. I already know that this year is definitely going to be a learning experience for
me, as I try to figure out how to challenge him without trying to control him. It's a delicate balance, and not one I'm likely to get right very quickly...
2) [Formal schooling] offers numerous "character building" experiences to the non-self starting kide who, when they finally get a reasonable placement, learn how to push themselves. ... Obviously, if your kid is wonderful at joining competitions or setting big goals for themselves and following through, this isn't going to be an issue. But I suspect that most kids are more like my DS, wanting to quit when the crunch comes.
I've seen wonderful homeschooled teens that don't quite trust themselves to be able to handle themselves when times are tough, because they hadn't had so many opportunities to face that particular struggle. Learning can be a joy, but often, the joy comes after great struggle, when looking back at the accomplishment. This is the biggest problem with underplaced kids - then never have chances to build self esteem by trying something that they had initally judged to be 'too hard.'
Interesting. I think I was one of those underplaced kids for whom school drummed out the ability to set goals and see them through. I was so used to coasting and never being challenged that it wasn't until I was several years out of graduate school that I rediscovered my love of pursuing a difficult goal with dogged fervor.
Even as early in the process of homeschooling as we are, I'm pretty sure I push my DS6 much harder to keep trying--even when it's difficult for him--than his teachers ever have. (As I hinted at earlier, my worry is rather that I may push him too hard, when his foot-dragging is really a sign that he's learned all he needs from a particular event.) His other teachers let him leave virtually anything he wants unfinished. I tend to require that he stick with it--or take a break and then come back to it--even though it might take him practically forever (!) to finish. So I would argue that in our particular case, homeschooling is doing a much better job of teaching him "sticktuitiveness" than public school did...
Is there any argument to be made for a poor fit-school? Yes. There really are times in life when things other than the child's best interest have to "win." Lots of us grew up this way, and many of us have found ways to thrive. It's just that the social, emotional, and intellectual price is high - I wish none of us had had to pay it.
Not to be argumentative, but "Lots of us grew up this way" doesn't seem very persuasive to me. I can't help thinking of the eternal parents' retort: "If everyone jumped off a bridge..." Just because I suffered through a system that isn't made to teach gifted kids, does that mean my kids should have to suffer through it, too? To what end?
You say there are times in life when other things besides the child's best interest have to win. I guess I (someone who's new to all of this) want to ask you (someone who's been in the thick of this issue for a while now)...When are those times? When in a child's education should other things besides the child's best interest take precedence? And what exactly are those things that should take precedence?
This isn't a series of rhetorical questions. I'm looking for answers! I value your opinion, Trinity, and I think I need to hear your point of view on this, for my own education on the topic...
Thanks for giving me interesting things to think about today.
Trinity
Right back at you!
I suspect that a great deal of my time in the coming year is going to be spent trying to decide what to do with DS6 for next year. More homeschooling? A private gifted school, which may not be much better about giving him what he needs and will cost a small fortune? (More research is needed, both into the school and into my son's abilities, before I'll have an answer there...) Back to public school? With or without grade/subject advancement?
I hope you'll allow me to discuss/debate this with you as the months go by and decision-making time looms closer. My parents oppose homeschooling in all cases, and DH tends to agree with whatever I say when it comes to the kids' education. (Not as nice as you might suppose...I used to teach argumentative writing, and I now NEED argument to think clearly on a subject!)
Anyway, I hope you don't mind that I'm picking your brains! I'm gaining so much from you all!
Thanks!
