So is it gifted-related?
You have two choices:
1) assume it isn't and get very sharp in the parenting and maybe things will resolve and maybe they won't.
2) suspect that it is and get very sharp in the parenting and maybe things will resolve and maybe they won't, but hold on to great hope that getting him in a more challenging educational environment will make a huge difference.
We took route number 2 last year, when ds-then-5 was alternating between "beast-child" and "defeated sad child" after starting K.
When defiance and minor fighting started to crop up at school, we instituted a zero-tolerance policy for school behavior, and stiff and enforced consequences to behavior he *knew* was inappropriate, ie looking a teacher square in the eye and saying "No!" when told to use the bathroom. He knows better, and I don't care how bored you are -- you still need to listen to and respect your teachers. His immediate behavior improved ... he was still *not happy,* but at least he wasn't coming home with negative behavior reports every day, which weren't helping his self-esteem. Making him responsible for his actions at school helped him with the lack of control he was feeling -- and my ds likes to feel in control! So the power to avoid an early bedtime and possibly earn an ice-cream trip at the end of the week was a big motivator for ds.
By late October last year, we started realizing what the real culprit was (and yes, testing was a *huge* eye-opener) and working on it. We upped the challenge level at home, with Beestar.org and "tricky maths" worksheets and word games, basically un-afterschooling, if that makes any sense!
And we started advocating with the school; when that was going nowhere we started searching for alternative schooling arrangements.
It did become clear, with added challenge at home and the enormous turn-around in attitude with more-appropriate placement this year, that under-challenge *was* the problem last year. He couldn't stand not using his brain all day; it was frustrating to him in a way he couldn't put words to. He knew the other kids enjoyed it, he knew he "should" enjoy it, but he didn't. And he didn't have the words to tell us what was wrong at the time. Now he says he likes his school (it has the word "Academy" in the name of the school) because, in his words, "It's an academy and you learn new things at academies."
Sooo ... for us, taking a two-pronged approach worked well. We had to assume it *wasn't* GT-related, because GT-related or not the behavior was inappropriate. But we got to work on solutions for the GT factor.
