I agree, G3. In our house, DH and I are the boss, period.
Now, I'm big on giving choices to my kids, but only when all the options are acceptable options for them to choose! That's my main way to make sure they get to express their need for freedom or whatever.
I do listen if they have a problem with something we're doing AND they have a solution to suggest AND they can present it respectfully (and quickly! No half hour debates!). That sort of problem-solving and use of rhetoric is a skill I want to cultivate, so I am willing to listen, and I don't say no until I'm sure I mean it. I really hear them out. But they know that no means no, and that I have a good reason for why I say no. When I say no, the discussion is over. But every once in a while, if they have a good point and they can make it in the right way, I do say yes. In this way, they feel heard and respected, and I find that I get more respect from them because they know I am a reasonable person who respects their ideas and treats them fairly.
However, the disrespectful, fighting type of arguing in any form does NOT fit into this skill set, and I shut that down immediately. My kids know the difference. If I had a child who didn't understand the difference, I wouldn't do any of this. The conversation must be predicated on respect for my authority or we don't have it at all.
FWIW...
