Yes, we try to find a reasonable balance. Generally our problems resolve around transitions or changes. So, for example, I may have said "do this before that" and when I change that to "do this thing and that other thing then you can do that" the arguing begins. Same thing if we're modifying an existing rule. In a lot of these cases taking the time to explain the rationale can help prevent a meltdown.
There is definitely something going on. During the last week and a half we've seen problems at school. DW had scheduled a meeting with his teacher for tomorrow and now the principal has been invited. (DW was a little concerned about this, but I don't see it as a negative thing.) We are concerned, but the more we talk it through, the more DW is convincing me that this may be reflective of his lack of learning anything substantial at school. He doesn't actively complain about it, but one could argue that this is how he's showing us his frustration. It sounds similar to (but not identical to) what Kriston's DS went through.
JB
