Thank you so much for sharing your very thought-provoking stories and for opening your hearts up on this forum.

I wasn't allowed to skip 5th grade when I was identified as a candidate for acceleration because that would have put me in the same grade as my older sibling. They were only going to let me skip if she skipped too, but she didn't want to because she actually had friends. I remember always wanting to move at a faster pace. By senior year of high school, I was pretty much done--I barely attended school. My principal would have failed me, but I had one of the highest SAT scores in the school and pretty good grades despite not being physically in class, so I was allowed to graduate even though I only consistently participated in one of my classes throughout the year. Looking back, I was lucky they didn't put my parents in jail for my truancy (!).

I went on to college and double-majored and graduated (when I was still 20) in 3 years, and ended up with a PhD (but took a long-ish time to finish at an Ivy). I know people who are very successful and extremely intelligent who didn't accelerate, and so I know that it's possible. One of my best childhood friends (from 5th grade--so lucky I didn't skip for this reason) is most likely PG--she is astoundingly smart and accomplished (speaks 5 languages, M.D./Ph.D, dermatology, medical school faculty and researcher), and she was one of the oldest in our grade (much taller, born in Jan, shortly after the cut off). She was my only real best friend in elementary school.

Thank you so much for the reference to "What Kids Don't Learn"--this is so important to consider.

I don't think DC's school offers single subject acceleration, but this sounds like the ideal arrangement. I'll have to push for this and see what happens year to year. Thank you all for taking the time to help me think this through!

Looking back, I do feel I made a mistake in putting DC in a preschool environment that was inappropriate for more than half of his lifetime. I was advised that things would get better, but this turned out not to be true. His self-esteem took a beating. By the third year, the other kids got the idea that he was a pariah (in part due to his record of acting out). Sadly, even when he was acting appropriately, they would point and whisper, or actively "tell on" him. Being around kids DC couldn't have a real conversation with for more than half his life and being consistently on the margins still affects him. One major lesson I've gained is to listen to my child's cues over the recommendations of educators who feel they have seen everything and know what's best.

Thank you all for being a constructive sounding board.