BSM--I saw a quote on FB recently, "Your child is not giving you a hard time--he's having a hard time." Another variation--your child is not a problem, but has a problem. Or the old standby: Children need our love most when they deserve it the least.
I know that's kind of schmaltzy stuff, but it would be nice to feel like the adults have better skills in place than the kids, wouldn't it? On a most practical level, this would be a good model of problem-solving for our kids when their coping skills aren't equal to their emotions.
It is a good strategy that I try to use with adults too. Being a parent of a 2e kid has taught me a lot.
But yeah, our school is not equipped for compassion apparently, just discipline.
