I think aeh's #2 and my DS share some similar behaviours, and aeh and I have used similar parenting strategies.
My DS is energetic, and he gives a good fight. Around 3 was when the monster meltdowns began happening (thankfully, that phase has since passed!). It coincided with a period of existential angst and colourful, imaginative language in an attempt to regain control in a situation where his emotions were running amok. I remember one occasion when DS was early 3 where I was putting him in his room to decompress after his lashing out at me repeatedly. He looked at me icily and said something to the effect of, "I want to decapitate you and watch you bleed to death."
I'm relieved to say that murderous ideation has not evolved to be a hallmark of DS' coping mechanisms! Now, he will say: "I feel so frustrated that...", or "I am so angry that I could explode because..."
