DeeDee said exactly what I thought after writing: so much depends on the child and temperament, sensitivity, social-skills. Since *none* of my three (gifted) children seem to understand, intuitively, how to filter themselves--I wish we hadn't been forced to use the term. I've not known any of them to brag, per se, but I have noticed there seem to be a LOT of questions about IQ and a bit of a tendency to over-identify with the label. It is most certainly not the most important thing about a child, and it's critical they understand all the things that make up a whole person.
As for gifted girls, I have a somewhat different take. I was identified as "gifted" (kind of on the cusp of gifted ed in my area--late 1970s) when the program here was in its infancy. Much like my DS12--I completely hit the wall in junior high and announced to my mother that I'd "lost my gift," which I fully believed. No doubt I am 2E (ADHD, at least) but there was no language for that then. That was an excruciating experience. I am so glad more is known now and there is at least a cursory acknowledgment that being "gifted" doesn't mean one has no academic challenges.
When I taught in G program, we had an affective curriculum component. I think that was invaluable for the students--they had a safe place to discuss how confusing the world is for them sometimes. One of our running themes was that being "gifted" can feel like a blessing or a curse. It's nice to learn effortlessly (at least in some areas) and being sensitive can mean you see, feel, and understand things like beauty in more vivid color. The downside, of course, is that you might also feel painful experiences in the same vivid color. THAT is the part of gifted ed that seemed most important to me. We also had a lot of conversations about asynchrony and it seemed like it was very meaningful for children who feel "all over the place" sometimes.
I have an admitted bias toward thinking the introspection and understanding of gifted social/emotional traits is the most useful part of the label. The rest of it--the academics, for instance--could more easily be explained and addressed by just acknowledging advanced academic skills and needs. No need for a G label, there, that stuff is just practical.
I am blathering. Forgive, please, or ignore at will.
