I do understand the pull of wanting to FEED POTENTIAL.
Indeed. I've referred to this as something like The Dark Side of having a gifted child, especially one globally gifted. It's so easy to see their abilities, and where they could end up, and give in to the temptation to push them towards some goal that can be roughly described as "greatness." That temptation is always there, calling to you, and requires jedi-like discipline to resist.
In our DD9's case, we nudged her into various activities with one important goal: she must do SOMETHING that she shows some natural talent for, but is difficult, nobody can do right away, takes practice, and then yields positive results. This promotes a growth mindset, which is contrary to her natural proclivity to perfectionism. We didn't necessarily care which activity that would be, we just knew that academics weren't going to be helpful in developing this growth mindset for a few years, and in the meantime, we needed an alternative.
Those activities have involved, over the years: dance, gymnastics, soccer, guitar, flute, choir, drama, songwriting, art, and robotics. In each case we got DD to buy into giving it a try... some came at her initial request, some at ours. She was not allowed to drop something when it got hard... each activity came with a certain commitment period, and she had to complete that commitment before she could consider dropping it, so she couldn't drop soccer until the season ended, gymnastics and dance were purchased 3 months at a time, etc, drama couldn't end until the play performance, etc.
But here's the key: once that commitment period ended, DD had the option to continue or not. In this way, she is in charge of her development.
As for overscheduling, we use two barometers to measure whether there might be a problem there:
1) How is mood regulation going? If DD is having meltdowns of increasing frequency and intensity, that's a sign she needs more downtime.
2) What is the schedule for free play looking like? DW and I ascribe to the notion that free play is at least as important as any other activity in developing children in all domains: social, intellectual, creative, emotional, etc. At age 4 DW and I acted as guardians of free play, and actively promoted it. Now at age 9, DD has internalized the message that play has value for its own sake, and she is ready to let us know when she notices its lack, in ways that aren't explosive.
Because DD is aware of her needs for free play, and how it conflicts with her desire to do a great many things, she regularly swaps in and out various activities. For example, this year she swapped out drama and swapped in soccer. She originally decided to drop robotics so she could do band and choir, which we thought was a very mature decision... and then she opted into robotics anyway. She's handing the workload pretty well. Soccer is on an official hiatus until January, but her coach arranged for some optional friendly games and continued practices. DD opted out, citing her desire for a favorite free play activity that conflicts with her soccer practice schedule.
The Dark Side tempts me to push her further in guitar (which her and I could do together) and soccer (an excellent prospect for a potential college scholarship), but she has prioritized flute (of which I know nothing) and gymnastics (I'm privately horrified over injury potential) over those instead. We've allowed her to take the lead.
