We routinely invite 14+ year-old students to their own IEP meetings (it's mandated that they have a right to be there if they choose). For some gifted kids, the age at which they ought to be present for the discussion, or at least part of it, may be younger than that. Parents may ask that they be present (since you can invite anyone you want to an IEP or 504 meeting).
We do portions of these meetings with DS12 present and portions without, and we started this at age 10. It has been VERY important for him to see what others think of his struggles and offer them corrections of perspective as needed. He is increasingly astute about what supports have helped.
And as to what MON said: oh, yes. Entirely.
