I'm sure others will comment later but to start with when you go to private testing it appears to be undermining their authority. Like you're "one of those parents". You said they were very receptive so why haven't they done anything? What gives you the impression they are trying? You mentioned the school wasn't understanding him but they were trying to accommodate. That would seem to me a contradiction in itself.
It is bit of a long story, but the short version is that we had my DS tested privately because his public school recommended it.
The longer story... Toward the end of kindergarten, we asked the school to do an OT/PT eval. They agreed, and the results were what we were somewhat expecting -- while there are gross and fine motor issues for him, he is "close enough to normal" that by law he doesn't qualify for services. This was not really surprising to us because since he was young we saw issues, and in fact his preschool teacher asked if he could be observed when he was 2 because of her concerns. The results out of that preschool observation were the same -- definitely difficulties, but close enough to normal to not need services. After the OT/PT eval in kindergarten, we met with the Asst Principal and his K teacher to go over the results. The school therapist suggested we have him privately evaluated for OT/PT and get services outside the school since they couldn't help him. After this meeting, his K teacher pulled us aside and suggested that we have him tested for giftedness because some of the other problems he was having (social stuff) and behaviors she observed in him could be due to being highly gifted. I thank this teacher every time I see her for doing this because she opened up our eyes to really understanding our DS.
We had the WISC-IV and an OT/PT eval done the summer between K and 1st grade. We decided at that point not to go with the full neuro-psych eval because we thought a shorter eval would be enough; we were trying to save money; and we did not expect to get the results that we did. We shared these results with his 1st grade teacher, but not the whole school (Asst Principal, etc.) at that point. Our school doesn't start gifted programs until 3rd grade, and we were told any differentiation would happen in the regular classroom.
A third of the way through 1st grade we felt it necessary to finish the complete neuropsych eval. We then had a meeting with the neuropsych, his private OT, the school psychologist, the Princiapl, Asst Principal and his 1st grade teacher. Everyone except his teacher got it, and they got him. In fact, at one point the Asst Principal said "By law we don't have to do anything, but we are going to." We are in a state that doesn't have a gifted mandate. Very very quickly after this meeting they started to work with my son. They ordered a ball chair for him to use and set up a "writing station" for him to use. The school psychologist and another aide came in and worked with him to setup other supports such as creating a "work list" with breaks. My DH and I were extremely happy with their response and effort. We still aren't sure if they will be able to accommodate him, but they are absolutely making an effort. Where it all broke down was his teacher. She was not able to follow through with the supports and suggestions made by the school -- they weren't even coming from us. She just didn't get him. In fact, she made comments to me (luckily in private) that we could have sued the school for. I told the principal about these comments, and to say he was upset was an understatement. This teacher didn't seem interested in changing her teaching style for any child -- not just my DS. It wasn't that she was singling him out.
So this past year was a really big year of learning for my DH and I as well as the school. I feel like it took us a whole year to all get on the same page and understand what my DS needs. The supports they were putting in place they understood probably wouldn't make a big difference for 1st grade as it was near the end of the school year when they really started. The school was really looking forward to 2nd at that point to make sure he can hit the ground running this year.
My biggest concern right now is around academically challenging him as the school didn't have as clear of a plan in place for that as for helping him with the issues around DCD. He was never differentiated for academically in 1st, even though the teacher said she would. This school year the district is adding a K-2 gifted resource that will be at our school once a week. Our school administration seems very excited about this program. I think they are still working out what this is going to look like since it is new. It is only once a week, but it is something. I am hoping that she will work with his classroom teacher to differentiate his work on a daily basis.
At this point, we have a very positive, cooperative relationship with his school and those working with him. Again, the big question is if they can really meet his needs on both ends of the spectrum. It also seems to really come down to teacher placement. All the other support staff at the school who are working with him have been fantastic, but if the teacher doesn't follow through it doesn't really matter. I met with the principal at the end of the school year, and he apologized that it was such a rough year and was very hopeful that this school year will be better. We don't have teacher placement yet, and he wouldn't tell me it at that point. However he said that he thinks we will be very pleased, and that they are grouping him in class with some other kids who need more challenge like him.
