As to your questions.... yes. To both. Yes, encourage. BUT... not at the expense of closing other doors, or tying identity to those particular hopes.
It sounds to me as though you have a very realistic view of things-- I'd just pass that along.
My DD ultimately opted
out of pursuing an elite college-- even though I think her odds of entry were pretty darned GOOD, actually-- because she recognized on some level that she'd feel quite out of step with a campus full of "strivers" who view the world through that kind of competitive lens. It's not who
she is.
I think that most of our kids will know by high school whether or not such a thing would suit them well.
Given the odds and the crazy associated, though, you're right to think about "what if it doesn't happen, though..." which is where applying to TEN schools comes into things.
The young man who has been featured in the news media this week for having attained acceptances at all 8 Ivies? Yeah-- he applied
also to UNC, Duke, etc. About fifteen schools in all. So he clearly wasn't thinking "It
must be Harvard or I shall perish."
The odds of getting into
an Ivy haven't moved
all that much in the past decade or two. The odds of getting into THAT particular Ivy (any particular one, incidentally) have, however.
Common App just means that they get a lot more applicants.
