He was supposed to get to go on an overnight trip today with his dad. The condition was for him to behave the past few days. He hasn't. This morning he asked "Did I earn it?" I asked him if he thought he did. He responded "No, not really" I said we agreed. So at least he KNOWS when the behavior is not good.
The problem with this scenario is he's shooting for a vague, undefined target. Instead, I would have approached it by giving him permission up front, but letting him know he could lose that opportunity for misbehavior. Then, if he's acting up in a way that needs immediate correction, I'd warn him that continued behavior would mean the end of the trip. If he stops, fine. If not, trip canceled, no negotiations.
I like this advice, and I'll add that giving him SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-bound) will give him ownership in changing his behaviour.
So, for a future trip, you could give conditional permission on the condition that, say, he not roll his eyes more than twice over the prior week. I would try to embed a learning element in the goal--if he catches himself right away, self-corrects, and apologizes sincerely, I wouldn't count it in the tally.
I think modern management philosophy is more useful than parenting methodologies when dealing with a really smart kid.
ITA. I've used my organizational psychology training more in the last six months with DS than I would have in the same time at work!
