I'm one of those people who has had many careers and one of them was working with children with emotional behavioral disorders (not implying that your DS has one; just explaining my circumstances). Many of them were runners. I was placed in a facility that was very close to a busy intersection. Needless to say, it was not an ideal situation.
My biggest challenge was controlling my own emotional reactions. I was young and inexperienced so it didn't come easily but I realized soon enough that I wasn't getting anywhere if I didn't remain calm while the boys were climbing up the trees and throwing rocks (at me and others).
It was easier to be sympathetic towards these children as most of them had a very traumatic childhood and/or severe disorders. Then I see DD. We are by no means wealthy but we have enough and she has two loving parents who are devoted to her well-being. So when she gives us attitude, it is harder for me to stay calm and not react because honestly, there is no need for her to be so defiant and oppositional. I WISH I had parents who cared about me as much as we care about DD. My first 6 or 7 years were filled with near-death experiences since I was so poorly supervised.
So I'm still learning to remain calm with DD. It's slowly improving. It helps immensely that she no longer fights about bedtime. Both SO and I keep on repeating to her that it's our job as her parents to keep her safe and healthy because we love her. I think the message is sinking in and she is no longer blatantly oppositional like doing exactly what we've just told her not to do. It's a long learning process.
One thing I do suggest is that you stop giving empty threats. When I threaten DD, she knows I mean every word so she stops and assess about the possible consequence of her action like the time when her glockenspiel ended up being donated to a shelter.
