As a parent, though, I have to put on a mask and hide my emotional investment in my children's behavior, or detach from it in a zen-like exercise which requires significant mental effort. Otherwise, they control me, and that control intoxicates them. That intoxication makes any other interaction pale in comparison.
There you go. That's exactly what you do. You can't let the children control your behavior. You're the parent.
DW used the same approach with our own DD for the same problem, so it's not like there's an investment issue. In both cases, her instincts screamed out to chase the child and catch them before danger struck. But she also knew that she'd be playing right into the child's hands, and effectively encouraging the behavior she wanted to prevent. So she stood her ground, and declared, "I am
not going to chase you." Then she backed up those words by not giving chase. The child had no reason to run if there wouldn't be a chase. Where's the fun in that?
DW would calmly explain why the child needed to walk with an adult and hold their hand, because drivers can't see them, but they can see the adult, and the adult can keep them alive.
If the child still wanted to run, the trip was aborted, and whatever negative consequences came of that were felt by the child. "Sorry, we can't play this afternoon, because I couldn't make that grocery trip and now I'm going to have to figure out what I can do with what we have on hand, so I'll be busy. I need to be able to trust you to stay with me so I can keep you safe in the parking lot. Maybe we'll try again tomorrow."
