HG+ children particularly are going to notice that the world is a scary place, with many potential hazards and pitfalls. It's a constant source of anxiety if the child feels like the parent can't protect them from that, or exercise sound judgement. Sometimes what seems like defiance is a child's poor understanding of the consequences of their actions, but it can also be a child expressing their anxiety, and they need a parental response that indicates, "Relax. I can handle this."
I agree COMPLETELY with that statement. YES.
The rest of it is very similar to our strategy here, as well-- though I have to say that DD simply has a rather oppositional/contrarian
streak in her personality, and no amount of loving/careful parenting is enough to negate that fact.
They really are just all a bit different from one another.
This is my greatest challenge as a parent, actually-- it's not really a desire for autonomy, even, more of a power struggle that is ongoing and continuous, and began when my (very well-attached) DD was about a year old. My devotion and love for her creates a bedrock that allows her to build this kind of experimental space atop it-- and (unfortunately for me) this is her interpersonal test lab. {sigh}
One other thought that dovetails with binip and Dude both is that I have over the years learned to
signal to DD when things are open for discussion and when they are not. She's gotten good at figuring out when things are open for negotiation. It's definitely not all my way or the highway-- and never has been. On the other hand, she has to also learn that sometimes people have authority over us that is primarily derived from circumstances beyond anyone's control, and certainly isn't based in "earned respect" from much of anyone... but that those individuals in particular ought to be handled gingerly, because they can CERTAINLY dole out punishment for lack of respect/compliance from those they have power over.
The IRS agent who comes knocking on your door, the TSA agent at the airport... yeah-- they may make totally irrational and intrusive demands of you, and honestly-- it's in your own best interests to just grin and bear it with a high degree of cooperation. Arguing with a cop over a speeding ticket when s/he is having a REALLY bad day... is not going to go anywhere good. No matter how justified you feel.
For a kid like my DD... this is a lesson she
must learn. MUST learn.
I've seen what it leads to (in extended family, with a significant N, tyvm) if that particular lesson is neglected. Not pretty.
