Establishing yourself as a reliable authority figure in your child's life isn't just a matter of protecting them from the effects of poor judgement. It's also VITAL to your child's psychological/emotional health. HG+ children particularly are going to notice that the world is a scary place, with many potential hazards and pitfalls. It's a constant source of anxiety if the child feels like the parent can't protect them from that, or exercise sound judgement. Sometimes what seems like defiance is a child's poor understanding of the consequences of their actions, but it can also be a child expressing their anxiety, and they need a parental response that indicates, "Relax. I can handle this."
I'm not sure that oppositional behavior and bonding/attachment can be teased apart, because there is so much overlap. A child with a very strong bond with their parent will be less oppositional because they value their parent so much... oppositional behavior, on the other hand, will have a negative impact on the bond, for both the parent and the child. So the best advice I could give on this is, play with your child. Every day, if you can manage it. I'm convinced this is the single biggest reason why my DD9 isn't a hellion.
As for discipline, our approach is similar to binip's. We are open to discussing why we've made any decisions, though sometimes we need DD9 to comply now, we'll explain later. We also tell her some things she's just not equipped to understand yet, so just trust us for now. Because we're so forthcoming in nearly all situations, she mostly accepts on those exceptions.
Otherwise, we'll let her ask and argue away, and address her points as age-appropriate. Sometimes, once we've explained our concerns, she proposes an alternative which satisfies those while still getting her what she wants, and we're happy to accept those proposals. Many times she accepts our rationale and that's the end of it. And of course, sometimes she's just going to protest, so once it gets to the point where she's arguing in a circle or just being contrary, we tell her that's enough, the decision has been made, and she knows any further protest will only result in her losing privileges.
We've also explained our parental responsibilities towards her, though we present it in a more positive framework than binip presents here. We explain to DD that she has certain rights that NOBODY is allowed to take from her, including us, and that therefore there are certain areas in which we are simply not allowed to negotiate or give ground. So no, she's not allowed to stay up as late as she wants because she has a right to good health and a good education, both of which would be impaired by lack of adequate sleep. We are highly respectful of her rights because we love her and want the best for her. Parents who fail to respect the rights of their children find themselves in jail, and their children get sent to live with other parents.
Anything that she enjoys which isn't a protected right is a privilege, and all privileges come from parents. We are very happy to provide her with as many privileges as practicable, because we love her and want her to be happy. But we also need certain things from her, including compliance to our reasonable requests, and we can withdraw privileges whenever we're not getting what we need.
